Blue Apples and Pink Turkeys

"Children are not things to be molded, but are people to be unfolded."

    - Jess Lair (1927-2000), American psychologist, writer

Kindergarten teacher Wendy Kennar shares an experience as a child in elementary school when her teacher asked her to paint a landscape:

"I painted trees with round tops modeled after the pruned trees I saw as I walked to school each morning. I liked my painting; the teacher did not. She said my trees looked like lollipop trees; that they didn't look like real trees, although they looked like the trees I knew.

Mrs. E picked up a paintbrush and painted over my trees to make them look the way she thought trees should look."

That event had a profoundly negative effect on Ms. Kennar's attitude toward art for many years afterward, and in no small measure influenced how she teaches the children in her care today:

"Now that school is in session, I can't help wondering, worrying, what is it we're actually teaching our children? The three R's? Yes. But we're also teaching them, sometimes subtly, sometimes not so subtly, to conform, to extinguish the spark that makes them individuals.

Children inherently believe they are invincible; good at everything. They can achieve anything. They don't think they can't do something until a grown-up tells them so. And that's when it begins to happen. Our children begin to lose their zest for life, and along with it, their self-confidence."

As you might expect, Kennar lets her kids paint things as they see them, not as she does. They'll hear no criticism from her if their apples are blue or their turkeys are pink. In fact, she encourages them to follow their own rules as they exercise their creativity.

At the same time, she explains why conformity is sometimes necessary where individuals are working together as a group:

"I always try to give my students a reason why we do things. While on the floor, we sit with our hands in our lap so Mrs. Kennar won't accidentally step on anyone's fingers. We sit with our legs crossed so that our classmates can walk by without tripping. These rules make sense; they serve a purpose."

What a refreshing approach this young lady is taking with these youngsters. Any parent would be blessed to have their children in her keeping. I really hope she's typical of the caliber of teacher you'd find in a kindergarten today. My fear is she's not, but I want someone to tell me I'm wrong. 

As I think back to my own childhood and recall how adults reacted as I strove to please them with my work, I remember best those who encouraged and praised me. They were the ones that I feel made great contributions to my self-worth.

There were others, of course, whose words were critical and whose methods rarely included any positive reinforcement. I remember them too, but not as fondly. Both approaches shaped me, perhaps unbeknownst to their originators. Those who were encouraging gave me confidence and self-esteem; those who discouraged me planted seeds of fear and insecurity. 

If you happen to be a parent, a teacher, a coach, a counselor or anyone into whose tutelage children have been placed, you need to think about that. Kids are like sponges. The manner in which you respond to any effort they make will be with them for the rest of their lives. If you're unconvinced, think back to when you were seven or eight years old and try to remember some defining moments between you and the adults in your life. Not hard to do, is it?