Let's Hold a Summit

"The only summit meeting that can succeed is the one that does not take place."

   - Barry Goldwater (1909-1998), American politician

This post by James Lileks over at his weblog, The Bleat, is hilarious, not in spite of, but because of, the truth it conveys. I hope you will read the whole thing.

Lileks begins by informing us that he watched the Great Debate last night and didn't like it. He explains why:

"But mostly I hate the debates because I simply cannot abide hearing certain statements I've been hearing over, and over again. I can't take any more talk about bringing allies to the table. Which ones? Brazil? Mynmar? Microfrickin'nesia? Are there some incredibly important and powerful nations out there whose existence has hitherto escaped me? Fermany? Gerance? The Galactic Order of the Belgian Dominion?"

Lileks surmises that if Kerry is talking about France and Germany when he says we need more allies in Iraq, he's barking up the wrong tree--even if they are "wise and nuanced":

"And I don't want posture lessons from a country that spent the last 20 years flopping on its back and grabbing its ankles when Saddam showed up waving stacks of Francs in exchange for bang-sticks. Don't you think I know about France's relations with Saddam? Surely, the advocates of the French Touch must know, and don't care. Or they don't know--in which case their advice is useless."

Then he wonders if maybe it's the U.N. that the Democratic contender thinks he could talk into helping us:

"Perhaps the 'ally' is that big blue wobbly mass known as the UN, that paragon of moral clarity, that conscience of the globe. You want to anger a UN official? Tow his car. Short of that you can get away with anything...I don't worry that the UN is angry with us. I'd be worried if they weren't."

Shifting gears, Lileks gives his impression of Kerry's promise to hold a summit with the nations of the Muslim world:

"...do you think a summit in which the various satrapies of the Middle East and elsewhere convene for a marathon bitchfest about Gaza is going to make America beloved in Sadr City? They want us to extend a hand, yes, so they can lop it off...

I'm not exactly thrilled with the idea of a big summit of non-allied allies after the election, either. Summits convened not to solve a problem but solve the perception that there is a problem...

Ask yourself this: you're a dictator who has violated the terms of a peace treaty over and over again, and frequently shoots at the planes enforcing the treaties. Who do you fear the most? A) The magnificent concert of allies in the UN, some of whom you've bought off...

B) The United States, Britain and Australia, who have several hundred thousand troops on your border and frankly are in no mood to put up with your crap any longer."

Mr. Lileks then tells us that he thinks he understands where John Kerry is coming from:

"So, I get it. We are wrong and bad and stupid and stupidly wrong-bad. We failed to make France act as though it wasn't, you know, France, a militarily insignificant nation that is understandably motivated by self-interest, and we haven't convened a summit so we could be castigated..."

And wishes he could live in the fairy-land that Kerry promises the U.S. voters:

"Here's the thing. I'd really like to live in John Kerry's world. It seems like such a rational, sensible place, where handshakes and signatures have the power to change the face of the planet. If only the terrorists lived there as well."

I'd like to livethere too, but I'm with Lilekson thisone.Kerry is living in a fantasy world if he believes he can convince any other countries to stand with us in Iraq. The ones who would do so are already there. When he publicly demeans our existing allies, he's not making a very convincing case for bringing new helpers into what he calls a "diversion in the broader struggle against the war on terror."

He's promised he will get us out of this conflict. Other countries know that. Would a potential new ally be willing to bet troops that Kerry would stay the course with them once they were committed? I can't speak for Chirac, Schroder or Putin, but I know what my answer would be. No.

Update: The inimitable Mark Steyn weighs in with some comments about Kerry's proposed summit.