"A relationship is not a place to shut off your dreams, but to fuel them."
- Adelaide Bry in Learning to Love Forever (MacMillan, 1982)
I've been married to the same person for a long time, almost four decades. While we've had our share of troubles, we've somehow managed to work through them and stay together.
I think one reason we've been able to do this is that we've attempted to give each other the freedom to make his own life choices. We've tried to allow each other to grow in whatever ways he wanted without demanding that he follow a path imposed by the other.
Yes, sometimes we had to compromise and sometimes our choices made the other unhappy, but once a decision was made, we did our best to provide support. I think my wife and I are better people now than when we were first married, and I believe the freedom we gave each other to pursue our aspirations is a big part of why this is true.
A relationship should be a safe place for us to become what we have the potential to become. It should provide stability that will allow us to go out into the world and find out who and what we are. It should allow us to grow, not wither. In short, it should be a place where we can strive for our dreams without fear of criticism or reprisal from our partner, even when we may be struggling with the consequences of our choices.
As with anything, it's hard to get it right the first time, or even the second, but you keep trying. A big part of my happiness comes from knowing that I'm helping the person I love become all that she can be, and believing she's doing the same for me. I think it's worth the effort.
5 comments:
When I read "I'm helping the person I love become all that she can be, and believing she's doing the same for me." I knew you had to be special! I wish I had gotten it right the first time, sadly I didn't. Though I know without doubt that I have it right this time because he feels the same as the statement you made. I enjoyed your journal. :)
Smilin Mon
Perfect Imperfection
I really appreciate your opinions. They are great. I think somewhere in defeat a human loses all romance and begins to believe that love and hope are one in the same and let go because it is easier to give up then it is to fight. But good for those that realize that struggle is worth possible triumph.
http://journals.aol.com/hotmcdonaldgurl/ManicDigest
What a wonderful Blog. You are absolutely right. I used to have an image of marriage as two people standing back to back each facing the world. That can sound negative, but I felt like you had to have perfect trust in your spouse order to assume that position. To me it symbolized facing the world and knowing that there was someone there helping to prop you up; someone you could trust undonditionally.
Ron, well said! Your wife is a lucky woman, and the beauty of that is, she most likely knows it, too.
As a newlywed, I am especially interested in wisdom from successful long-term marrieds.
And you give me so much hope in a world where the statistics are overwhelming and my husband has already been through HELL (1st marriage/divorce) so we want to avoid any of that at all costs!!
I list your journal under my"Political Journal" heading as it's 1 I respect and want to visit often. I also have one I totally disagree with to keep it interesting. However, it is my belief that one's political life and home life reflect. I agree with your politics was not surprised to find how touched I was with this entry. I have been married 10 yrs. and it isn't always easy. This helped me remember what's important and that we are off to a pretty good start. Again I learned from you.
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