Kids Who Have Everything

"What the vast majority of American children need is to stop being pampered, stop being indulged, stop being chauffeured, stop being catered to. In the final analysis it is not what you do for your children but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings."

    - Ann Landers (1918-2002), American advice columnist

Often, when Lisbeth and I get together with friends our age, the conversation turns to grandchildren. A not uncommon complaint we hear is about how many "things" the grand-kids have and how moms and dads indulge their youngsters' desire for the latest thingamajig even though they're not using the thingamabobs they already have. 

Syndicated columnist Ruben Navarrette, Jr., who is preparing to become a parent himself, is concerned about this too and suggests that children might be better served if they had to experience a "little hardship" now and then. 

In this Seattle Times article, he reflects on how today's parents deal with their kids:

"A lot of parents can't say no to their children's demands to buy them more of this and newer and more expensive versions of that. Parents are even flocking to daylong seminars where experts tell them how to stand up to their kids, how to say no to their demands and how to hold firm."

Thinking back to how his grandfather dealt with his son, Navarrette's father, he makes some comparisons:

"I can't imagine my grandpa ever needing a seminar to remind him who was the parent and who was the kid. A spanking, a scolding or even a disapproving glance did the trick.

The parents of today seem to be out of ideas about how to deal with...pint-sized 'wanting machines.' They don't want conflict or to disappoint their children. So they give in."

To what extent are they giving in? Navarrette points to research indicating that spending for kids is a major segment of total consumer spending:

"According to market research done by a company called Packaged Facts, families with kids ages 3 to 12 spend $53.8 billion annually on entertainment, personal-care items such as make-up, and reading materials for their children. And when the kids get older, they take their parents' credit cards or their own disposable income and buy even more goodies. Last year, according to a firm called Teenage Research Unlimited, 12 to 19-year-olds forked out $175 billion."

While I have no data on how much of this comes out of the parents' pockets and how much is earned by the kids themselves, I do know that I don't see as many youngsters mowing lawns, flipping burgers or bagging groceries as I did when my two boys were growing up. That would lead me to believe that a large chunk of these billions is coming from mom, dad and complaining grandparents.

Why does this matter? Well, I think it matters because our kids aren't learning that there's a price to be paid for the things that are coming their way. Many of them don't have to exert any effort, except possibly making the request, to get the things they want. This is not the way the real world works. It's not what they'll find when they leave the nest. Many will be sorely disappointed to learn, as my late father used to say, that "money does not grow on trees."

I won't cite chapter and verse all the negative things that can and do result from adults' fawning behavior toward their offspring, though I believe there are many. I will say this, however. I see more children than I think I should who were given everything their hearts desired when they were younger, went off to school and got their degree, became disenchanted that working took more effort than they were willing to put forth and returned home to live with their parents--often with a child of their own in tow. Unbelievably, their folks took them back in, continuing to treat them like kids even though they were adults. 

Can anyone really be happy in this type of situation? I have my doubts. The sad part of it all is most of these situations could have been avoided had parents been somewhat less indulgent as their kids were growing up. While it's natural for kids to want things, parents aren't doing them a favor by showering them with gifts and asking for nothing in return.