Let's All Get In a Pile

"If sensuality were happiness, animals would be happier than men; but human happiness is lodged in the soul, not in the flesh."

  - Seneca (3 BC-65 AD), Spanish-born Roman philosopher

This morning as I was reading The Island Packet this piece on cuddle parties caught my eye, begging to be read. As I sipped my coffee and perused the story, I began to realize how behind the times I am. Some of you may be too.

Libby Copeland, the author of the article, writes about a new aspect of the social scene that so far has not made its way to my community--not that I'm aware of anyway:

"...nearly all of us are desperate for someone, anyone, even someone we've just met, to hold us, rub our feet, stroke our hair. And because this is about healing, this someone might give us a long, soul-baring kiss. Then, our needs fulfilled, we might venture back into the real world, boasting that we'd been to a cuddle party, the grandest social experiment since the 1970's brought us primal screams and group rebirthings."

Cuddle party founders REiD Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski say we live in a touch-deprived society and they're encouraging people to loosen up and learn how "to explore touch and affection in a nonsexual way." Interested? You'll have to ante up $30 to attend and here's what happens:

"Thirteen people arrive, mostly in twos and fours...They change into pajamas and put on name tags. World music and jazz soften the mood. Mihalko asks them to gather in a 'welcome circle' on blankets on the floor. He calls himself 'your cuddle lifeguard' and introduces the other organizer, Marcia Baczynski, who wears thick-rimmed hipster glasses and pajama bottoms printed with a Froot Loops design.

Mihalko then explains the rules for the get-together:

"Everybody must ask permission of everyone else before doing anything. Kissing is as far as things can go. Nobody has to cuddle if he or she doesn't want to. Nobody can take off his or her clothes...Mihalko tells people to discuss their 'cuddle boundaries' and turns them loose."

No alcohol is allowed and no one is permitted to wear lingerie. Mihalko holds the parties during the day to help reduce the sexual tension created by the activities of the participants and, in order to alleviate concern that the parties could be construed as orgies, he uses a kind of kindergarten teacher language to make everyone feel they are in a "safe space."

If you'd like to find out how to move into one of the hipper parts of the 21st century, I'd suggest you read the entire article. Should your curiosity not be sated by the article, here's a website where you can get in-depth information about this new type of therapy.

I'm curious about why people would participate in something like this. Putting myself in their shoes, I suppose if I wasn't getting my share of hugs from people I care about I might agree to attend one of these orgies...er, parties. It seems that it would be similar to going for a massage. You know, you're stressed out, you pay to have someone give you a rub-down, you go home de-stressed and relaxed until next time when you do it all over again. Maybe that's the deal here.

Somehow, though, I think it's not. I think maybe many of these folks are looking for intimacy and believe they might find it by getting affectionate with a stranger. And they might, but chances are they won't. I admit that I'm old-fashioned, for I believe that intimacy needs to grow out of an emotional connection with someone, not the other way around.

These days I see more and more young people who get physically intimate with their partner very quickly, think that the heat they feel for each other is love, get married because of that illusion, then wake up one morning when the passion has diminished and discover they're in bed with a stranger.

Why gosh, the kisses were so sweet at the cuddle party. We thought we were soul mates. Could we get a refund?